I’m so goddamn happy right now.
But all I want to do is fucking lay down and cry.
I don’t understand.
I can’t breathe
I can’t hadnelt his anymoer
I don’t even know what to do anymore.
It’s so fucking hard.
Just trying to keep my emotions in check.
But I have to.
I don’t want to fuck things up…
God I just.
I want him.
But I’m so afraid of trying to push past being just friends.
And I fucking hate it.
And don’t even get me started.
On what my heart is doing right now.
Because I don’t even know.
I thought I was pretty much over the crush on Leo.
It’s still there.
450 times stronger than before.
And I am just so terrified of fucking things up with him.
That I don’t even want to bother trying.
But I can’t handle keeping it to myself anymore…
I really, really.
Want to hurt myself right now.
But I’m trying really hard to resist.
Because I don’t want to disappoint anybody.
It’s really hard…
And I kind of really just want to break down and sob.
But my dad is home and I don’t want to worry him.
God I just.
I have no idea what to do anymore.
I can’t keep going like this.
And I can’t do anything to help anybody.
Being in this fucking town isn’t helping anything at all.
And I just want to go home.
And forget about everything for a few days.
I’ve only ever seen this person yell at people…
I have very rarely, if ever, actually saw them upset like this.
And it hurts.
Because I can’t do anything to help them…
I just hurt myself for the first time in almost a month…
I wish I hadn’t…
I don’t know if it really qualifies as food.
But all I’ve been eating lately is pizza and chips.
And all I’ve really been drinking is soda.
I know it’s not healthy at all. And I’ve been wanting to try to eat healthier.
I ordered a chicken caeser salad from a pizza place earlier.
And they didn’t give me the fucking chicken. So I called and told them at like 12:30AM and they said someone would be right over.
Well. It’s almost fucking 8AM and I still have no goddamn chicken.
I’m so pissed I don’t even want to eat the salad anymore.
So it’s just fucking sitting in the fridge right now…
I probably won’t actually eat anything today…